Musings of a Vampire

I am a phantom who moves from place to place: Paris, London, the American West. We presently live in New York. Who is the ‘we’ you ask? Michel Baptiste and I. My dearest friend since childhood. The man I followed into darkness in the year of our Lord 1757. I was twenty years old. What did I know of consequences? I simply feared losing my best friend. Neither of us could comprehend the repercussions of our choice. All we knew was the beautiful and sensual Gabrielle, our lover and our maker. She was the guide who led us on a journey of lust and blood as we wove our way into the fabric of French society.

How can I impress upon you what its’ like to be a man and monster, seducer and slayer? The beautiful Gabrielle ruled over the Parisian vampires with Gaétan, a much older vampire. What they could not control with their beauty, they destroyed. All succumbed to their demands of loyalty and subservience, or died. I have never been good at subservience nor indiscriminate murder. I had Michel and I was happy to co-exist with my friend. I was also a painter of portraits and I loved immersing myself in the world of canvas and oil paints.

Nevertheless, things always change. Her name was Josette and it was the summer of 1787. She was a young mortal, married to a minor aristocrat named Luc Delacore and the mistress of Gaétan. We had all heard the rumors of her exotic beauty but nothing prepared me for our introduction.

Michel and I met them one night, strolling arm in arm on the Pont Neuf. As I gazed into her emerald eyes I realized how lost and lonely I had become. I was barely able to say much more than hello. All the rumors were true and as the ground shifted and time stopped I fell in love with her. Not long after both of us forsook our vampire lovers for one another.
Gaétan grew to hate me even more and Gabrielle felt I had abandoned her for a mortal; and even then Michel was my protector, forever watching out for others who grew more jealous of me.

The war of the mortals affected even the undead, dividing us and straining the tenuous bloody bonds that held us together. I had always hated politics and avoided war just as Michel and I ignored the feuding of our own kind but when the revolution was upon us, life as I knew it was no more.

Josette had a daughter named Solange. She was a beautiful little girl with dark hair and green eyes. Fearing their arrest she asked me to take the child and give her to a family that could provide for her. Reluctantly I honored her request. I knew of many French families fleeing to England. I would have no difficulty finding one to take the child.

Many nights I debated whether or not to turn Josette, yet to become immortal was something I swore I would never bestow upon another person. Great power is great responsibility and I feared both. To this day I cannot understand the logic that kept me from turning her and being happy. For she was the love of my life and I still feel responsible for her death.

I assured her that Solange would be safe, but I had no idea what was to come for any of us. Life is never what it seems and despite being vampires, Michel and I became victims of fate and time, just like you with your plans and dreams, hopes and wishes. I had no idea where my commitment to Solange would take us, but I invite you to come join us on our journey.

Christian Du Mauré

I must be mad

1737 February 12th

What I am about to write is true, though I am not sure how to put pen to paper and describe it. Let me back up. The snow finally stopped and the men went outside to dig us out. When I heard them leave I decided to explore Monsieur Martins' room as his manner had my curiosity piqued.

Not knowing what I might find, I ventured into his room any way. All seemed in order when suddenly I was hit with a case of guilt. I turned to go yet there he was, standing in the doorway. I could not read the look in his grey eyes. They seemed at once angry yet amused, if that is possible.

I tried to explain my presence but I could not speak nor come up with a rational reason for being there. His eyes held me and seemed to caress me and I froze, unable to move nor ask him to step aside. I thought he should step aside, being an officer of the king, but he just stood there, staring down at me.

I felt my heart in my throat when suddenly he was so close I could smell the outdoors on his skin. I tried to speak... I think I said something like I must go now, but I am not sure if the words actually came out or if I just thought them. I was so compelled to touch him and as if he willed it, I touched his cheek. It was cold, most likely from being outdoors though I noticed he wore no coat nor hat.

As if dancing a waltz we moved as one and suddenly I was pressed up against the bedroom door. It shut gently trapping us together. With no words between us I..... I cannot write the next bit... it was as if I were on fire and only he could cool me. He pulled me by my hair and kissed me. It was rough but I did not fight him or fear him.

I thought about my husband and then as if drugged, all thoughts of him fell away. It was only Andreas and I who mattered and as his cold lips ran down my neck I closed my eyes. He said nothing as he pulled me closer, gently loosening my gown. I felt it open yet I did not fight him. I wanted him and as he gently picked me up off the ground I wrapped my legs around him and like an animal he drew blood, my blood.

It stained my skin as it ran down my neck but still I could not resist him nor his cold body. I think I was in a trance for even as he drank from me, it felt like a wonderful dream I did not want to ever wake from.... even now I think that I must be mad.