Taking a Peek

I am an intuitive writer. I have a general idea how things are going to go in a particular chapter but then I begin to write and something happens. The characters have a life all their own and sometimes I am forced to go back and scrap a particular section. I know my characters but even I like surprises at times. I like it when Christian is impulsive and does something without thinking it through, or Michel expresses deep feelings or even cries. Once in a blue moon Josette will get flustered and drop that regal guard of hers and become a mess of raw nerves or Amanda will fight back instead of withdrawing in her world of academia and art.

One of the themes in my novels is secrets: everyone has them and no one is who them seem to be, whether human or vampire. You can't judge a book by it's cover in this world and that is both a blessing and a curse. Even vampires need to believe in the safety and security of their relationships and their world. When either are threatened, all hell breaks loose. Christian will have his world rocked in so many ways he will not be sure of anything. It's like a paradigm shift, a totally new way of thinking or experiencing the world. He has always taken refuge in the stability of his relationship with his best friend Michel, his former lover, Josette, his autocratic father.

Being aloof and a loner does not absolve him from pain and suffering, or lies and deceit from those he loves. He has such high standards that lying just isn't in his reality. Unfortunately, it is a way of life for almost everyone around him and although it takes several hundred years, it all comes crashing down around him. Don't get me wrong, he tells himself lies when he doesn't want to take a good hard look. Why not, we all do it at times. Why should he be any different? Sometimes we take a peek and can still believe our reality has not changed. At other times, taking a peek throws open a door that floods us with too many things that make it impossible to go back through. We just won't fit.

When Christian discovers that his life has been held together by forces he can't even imagine, he must either make certain choices or die. Isn't that the way of things for each of us? We can accept or reject something or someone but in doing so we have made a choice and hopefully, we trust our gut instinct to carry us through to the other side. To a place where we know who we are and what is waiting for us.